"You have to remain strong because there were days when I thought 'this can't go on any longer – I can't see a way through this because the process goes on so long'," he said. The son of a police officer and social services worker has lost coaching jobs and BBC punditry work as a result of denied allegations that he called Rafiq a "P-" in 20.Ī similar allegation followed from his former national team-mate Majid Haq, who claimed Blain had used the derogatory term during an international match in 2007.īlain, who says the allegations against him are "perverse", now spends endless hours swimming and running to try to make sense of the most toxic ordeal in the game's history. Over coffee at an Edinburgh hotel, the 44-year-old fights back tears as he admits he is losing almost all hope. I had a really dark thought the other day when I looked at my son and I thought 'is he tall enough to carry a coffin?' He's only 12, but those are the thoughts." "There's probably only been six people that stood with me on this. "Sir Alex Ferguson once said 'it takes six people to carry a coffin' – there's days when I'm questioning who will carry my coffin," he says. Now, as he finally gets his say, emotion overwhelms him within 15 minutes. John Blain counts the days since he found out Azeem Rafiq had accused him of racism.
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